Go easy on yourself

Are you hard on yourself at times, or all the time? I feel that being critical is an extension of the ego, a defense mechanism against failure, and a manifestation of perfectionism. We can be our own biggest critic and I’m guilty of that. It can have an impact on every part of our lives. 

I’ve struggled with being hard on myself at work and for not being good enough. Sometimes I even stress about a small purchase I made, or other trivial matters. There is an element of never living up to my own expectations. This feeling can be relentless. For a while I have tried to be less self-critical and more self-loving.

I recently came across this article from the Harvard Business Review which validated some of my feelings and offered tools to help those who struggle with being hard on themselves. The two strategies that stuck with me are, “naming your critic” and, “redefining your definition of success”. Naming your critic involves literally attaching a name to your internal critic, to distance yourself from your critical side. Sometimes I just need to tell my inner critic to “shut up!” Humanzing the inner critic can shed light on my critical nature, and also lay it out to be assessed and discounted. 

The idea of “redefining your definition of success” more speaks for itself. It involves changing your idea and standards of what qualifies as a win. Sometimes our goals and expectations are so lofty, we can never live up to them. I am often feel like I’m struggling to complete a project fast, well, or cheaply enough. Redefining success means celebrating baby steps, approaching problems from new angles, and taking into account your own personal struggles and life situation. 

Personal playbook

I want to share a bit about my journey with depression and anxiety, and some steps I have taken to cope with them. In 2013, I experienced a major depressive episode which was brought on by a few reasons including: enormous grief caused by losing two people who I was very close with, lack of self care, and uncertainty about my career path and direction in life. After consulting with my family, I put myself into voluntary partial hospitalization at a retreat center. This was a difficult time in which every part of me felt tested, including my faith, and especially my faith in myself. In order to come back from this, I tried many things, including implementing ideas and techniques I learned at the retreat center. I was able to find my way back to a period of normalcy a month or two later.

One very beneficial thing I learned at the retreat center was to create a “depression playbook”. The idea with the depression playbook is to create a guiding resource for me if I experienced depression again. Out of this, I came to understand “the fundamentals” in my life. These are the basic practices and lifestyle factors which contribute fundamentally and significantly to my overall health and well-being. For me these include: diet, eliminating habits and substance use, exercise, sleep, time in nature, belief (in myself and god), healthy work/life balance, and social connections. 

If ever I am feeling anxious or down, I try to remember and examine these fundamentals. They are absolutely critical. Without them is like driving a car with three wheels instead of four. I can’t expect a good result if I’m not taking care of the fundamentals. If one of these items is lacking in my life, then I know exactly where to point my energy and attention. 

I recommend that you develop a mental health playbook and list the fundamental needs in your own life. It can be helpful exercise now, and especially in a time of greater need in your life. Intense, honest, and objective self reflection helps in this, as does discussion with a trusted person such as a family member, friend, or therapist.

Be well, Brendan

Restart

I’ve decided to start contributing to this blog after nearly seven long years of inactivity. It’s difficult to bridge that gap in time. When I started this blog I was obviously a bit younger, in a transition, and with good intentions which included starting a non-profit organization in the developing world, specifically Haiti. I humbly admit that was a complete failure, yet nothing truly bad came of it. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of my being in Haiti was being offered a professorship at a university there, which I had to turn down due to lack of (any) pay (two meals a day and a room was included). In the past I also posted about my thru-hike of the Long Trail in Vermont, which is still a proud achievement for me and one of the cooler experiences of my life thus far.

Fast forward to now, and I’ve decided to revive this blog because many of the topics I wrote about before still resonate with me, and I believe are still relative today. I’m here to express myself and connect with others. My dream is to write something which educates, inspires, and helps people. I’m also after the broader goal of fostering genuine connections and communications. I feel that today we live more connected than ever, digitally and through social media, yet in many ways we are more disconnected than ever. We are less intimately, physically, emotionally, and spiritually connected with other humans; and less connected to our inner selves, nature, our ancestors, and God.

I’m not here to preach about how to live a perfect life. I’m here to be objective, personal, truthful, focused, and circumspect, as I discuss aspects of my own personal life, including things I’ve struggled with, things that have helped me, and broad global topics which are on my mind. I want to openly discuss mental health, and my experience of struggling and striving to achieve positive mental health. I will be honest even if that means saying something which might be sad or difficult to read. I will put forward some things that have helped me, with no guarantee of how it may help you, unless it’s something you try and practice yourself. 

When it comes to life, I don’t believe in easy fixes. I believe that the most difficult things in life take a lot of work to overcome, and that some things may never be overcome. I believe in karma and that we have the free will to shape our karma for the better if we dedicate ourselves to that. I believe there are paths to happiness but for most of life and for many, happiness comes and goes. I believe that joy and happiness comes from a divine source which is within each of us. I strongly believe in love, truth, science, dedication, persistence, courage, sacrifice, good habits, and the value of hard work.

Thank you for coming here to read. I look forward to sharing more with you soon.

Brendan

Thanks all for a great year!

I’m looking forward to more blogging and adventure in the coming year! Much love, Brendan

Here’s an excerpt:

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Click here to see the complete report.

Completed the Long Trail in 15 days.

Last Thursday I finished up the Long Trail (LT), a “footpath in the wilderness” –  the oldest long-distance hiking trail in the U.S. After hiking 273 miles in 15 days (averaging 18.2 miles/day) I can with confidence confirm that “steep in places, muddy in others, and rugged in most”, is a good way to describe the LT (as stated in the Green Mountain Club’s “Long Trail Guide”).

Folks who have hiked such trails as the Appalachian and Pacific Crest told me that the LT is as rugged and difficult as anything they’ve seen on these longer (10x) and more notable trails. While difficult, the LT was tremendously rewarding. Growing up in Vermont, the LT has been on my bucket list since I was a kid. I knew that I would hike it at some point. The right combination of time, gear, motivation and money (though not much) provided me with the impetus to undertake this wonderful adventure. Let me not forget those who helped me in various ways: my Mother and friends Joe and Mary.

I split the LT into two parts. In between I traveled to Maine and hiked Mt. Katahdin twice. Here are some photos to enjoy. You can view more here if you would like. Cheers and happy trails.

Lamoille River with morning fog, Jefersonville, VT.

The famed Knife’s Edge Trail, in thick clouds. Mt. Katahdin, Baxter State Park, ME.

Sunset near Mt. Belvidere, VT.

Random location in northern Vermont.

 

Almost Half Done With The Long Trail!

I reached the Brandon Gap on Tuesday night, 12 miles shy of half-way on the LT. It took me six and half days to hike 124.1 miles. I will commence hiking on the LT next Wednesday after a “break” to travel to Maine to hike Mt. Katahdin (the highest mountain in Maine). I would prefer to hike the entire LT in one go, but hiking Katahdin is something I’ve wanted to do for a few years. I made a camping reservation there before I decided to hike the LT.

In order to make logistics easier, I will be starting the next section of the LT at the Canadian border and hiking South to where I left off at the Brandon Gap. In backpacking terms this is known as “flip-flopping”. Below is the updated map and a few photos from the first section. More photos here. I’m ready for some Fall colors!

P.S. I’m still working on my trail name. Suggestions are welcome 🙂

Stratton Mountain fire tower

White Rocks, looking N towards Rutland.

Home on Tuesday!

Arrived in Manchester, VT on Saturday, Sept. 13th. 

Amped to go!

Setting off on the LT tomorrow. My pack, including gear, food for 3.5 days and water is 34 lbs. I’ll take it. Let’s do this!! #LFG

Food Prep.

 Gear Compacted.

 New look for the trail – what did you expect?

Gear spread.

 

I’m Hiking the 273-Mile Long Trail in Vermont to Raise Awareness of My Newly Founded Organization, Radiate Inc.

Next Wednesday I’m setting off to hike the 273-mile Long Trail of Vermont end-to-end, to raise awareness of my newly founded organization Radiate Inc. You can visually track my progress on the map below! (I will have someone updating it for me) 🙂

Radiate Inc. is a U.S.-based non-profit which supports the growth of financially sustainable green businesses in low-income countries. You can find out more information and follow along on our journey here.

Facts:

1.) The Long Trail (LT) traverses the entire length of VT along the spine of the Green Mountains, spanning from the state’s southern border with Massachusetts North to the Canadian border.

2.) Hiking the LT has been an item on my bucket list since I was a kid. 

3.) The LT is sometimes confused with the ~2,200 mile long Appalachian Trail (AT) which runs from Maine to Georgia. An interesting fact is that the LT and AT do run along the same path, for about the Southern half of the LT in VT

4.) I will be traveling to Haiti (for the second time) after I finish the LT.

Occasionally, Lists Are Alright…..

I’ve grown weary of internet lists (10 Best This, 15 Important That, etc), but yesterday my friend sent me one that I really like: “10 Things That The People Who Love Their Lives Are Doing Differently“. Among many good points, one that I find particularly salient is:

“When you ask them what they do, they respond with what they do in their lives, not what work they do in order to pay for the lives they want to one day be living. The real trick is that these individuals know better than to wait to live the lives they want to live. You live life whether you accept or ignore the fact, how you live it in the moment determines how happy you are”.

When someone asks me what I do or what I’m up to, my answer seems usually to not quite fit into the parameters of what the person asking me was looking to hear. Saying what I do in order to make money gives insight into only a tiny fraction of my life – a fraction that I don’t award much importance to. Why doesn’t making money matter to me? Because when you die it doesn’t matter how much money you have, or have made. When someone asks me what I do, I usually start off by listing the things I do for fun: hiking, backpacking, mountain biking and traveling. Skiing and winter hiking top the list in the cold months. Then I mention work. My life is built around things I do for fun and for others.

For many people, work is the first thing they mention. My current career track (starting a non-profit) isn’t going to make me money for a bit; therefore I find it neccessary to take random jobs in order to pay the bills. I do what I have to do. I work at two fitness centers, yet that says very little about me personally, except perhaps for the fact that I have an affinity towards wellness.

Asking what someone “does” is definitely one of the most common conversation starters out there. What do you say when someone asks you what you do?

Instead of asking someone what they do or what they’re up to, I always like to ask people what they do for fun. The majority of people don’t have an answer right away. I used to not either, until I started living the life I want to live now.